


fourteen million universes

by bethejerktomybitch



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Ashes Scene in Avengers: Infinity War Part 1, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Deaf Clint Barton, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, I'm sorry for this, Infinity War broke me, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 16:17:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14572806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bethejerktomybitch/pseuds/bethejerktomybitch
Summary: Thanos believes that he kills at random. He has to believe it, because he does not want to inflict pain, not more than necessary to save the universe, anyway. But the truth is that soul stone cannot have a master, not truly. And so when Thanos raises his hand and curls his fist and finally, finally enacts the plan that will save the universe and would have saved his home planet too, he does not kill at random.Instead, he kills soulmates.





	fourteen million universes

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, so, Infinity War broke something inside of me and I still wrote this. I'm sorry, I truly am.

 

Thanos believes that he kills at random. He has to believe it, because he does not want to inflict pain, not more than necessary to save the universe, anyway. But the truth is that the soul stone cannot have a master, not truly. And so when Thanos raises his hand and curls his fist and finally, finally enacts the plan that will save the universe and would have saved his home planet too, he does not kill at random.

 

Instead, he kills soulmates.

 

* * *

 

 

There are fourteen million universes in which they lose.

 

There is one in which they might win.

 

It doesn’t feel like winning.

 

* * *

 

 

Nakia freezes, in the middle of the battlefield, and feels the bullets whizzing past her, missing her by the barest inch, but she can’t bring herself to move. The words between her shoulder blades are burning, burning and burning and burning until at last they fade, like a match that burned itself out, and she knows. She knows even before she sees the soldiers around her crumble, before she sees half of her people fade.

 

The king is dead. She should hide her feelings, should gather those remaining around her and keep them safe, but there is nothing left. Nakia feels empty.

 

* * *

 

 

Darcy’s knees buckle and her breath catches in her throat when she enters the lab and sees the terror in Jane’s eyes, sees her dissolve and vanish. Instinctively, she reaches for her phone, attempting to call someone, anyone, who might know what’s going on here, who might get Jane back, but before she can, she gasps in pain as the words on her forearm light up.

 

She tugs her sleeve away and stares at the words, stares at them until they burn themselves into her eyelids – “No, you cannot borrow my wings” – and then they’re gone. Not scarred or faded like those of a soulmate that died, just gone.

 

* * *

 

 

Stephen, for a long time, did not believe in soulmates. He knew they existed, sure, and he found his too, but it didn’t work out with Christine and so his belief that soulmates didn’t always end up together solidified. But now, as he fades away on Titan, wondering why, if this was really the only way, it feels so wrong, he thinks of her and can see her too, for a moment, sinking to the floor in an operating room, clutching her hands to her chest, desperately trying to hold his words etched over her heart close.

 

But of course, they fade with him.

 

* * *

 

 

Rocket does not have words, does not have a soulmate, per se, because he is really just a lab experiment and therefore should not have a soul, but the deep aching that he feels when he watches Groot crumble to dust is real. It ripples through him like waves, seems to tear him apart from the inside out, and he screams, screams because that is the most primary reaction to pain he has, the reaction that became ingrained into his very substance after years and years of torture and experiments.

 

He thought he knew the pain of losing Groot, but this is more than he can take.

 

* * *

 

 

Drax has lived with the pain of loss for longer than anyone should. He knows what a severed bond feels like, what agony comes with looking at faded words on your skin and knowing that the one who holds the other part of your soul will never come back. But this, this is worse, he thinks as his body begins to disintegrate, as he feels the bond vanish, feels the words bleed from his skin, taking his last connection to his wife with them.

 

In the end, nothing remains.

 

* * *

 

 

Gamora is dead already, and for the briefest second Peter thinks that maybe this is a good thing, because at least she went knowing he and their bond to each other would remain, at least she still had a sliver of hope to cling to. But there is no hope, no hope whatsoever. He sees Mantis fade next to him, sees her fix her eyes on the runes on her hand as if they could anchor her to reality and wonders briefly who her soulmate was, but does not look on his words.

 

They cannot save him and they did not save Gamora and they will not save the universe. The only thing they can really do is hurt.

 

* * *

 

 

Clint has his hearing aids out and so he does not hear the screams, does not know something is wrong until his soulmark starts pulsing with pain and he hurries downstairs to find his kids sobbing on the floor and his wife gone. He gathers his kids to his chest in a hopeless effort to fill the hole inside his chest and whispers “it’s alright, it’s alright” over and over, but nothing’s alright because Laura is gone and there is nothing he can do to change that.

 

* * *

 

 

The pain Natasha feels is another kind of pain. Her words were taken by the Red Room when she was very young, too young to remember them, but when she met Bruce and learned he did not have words she let herself believe for a while that he was her one. And now, as everyone around either breaks down in agony as their marks vanish or crumples into dust, she catches Bruce’s eye and feels too many thing at once – relief, disappointment, guilt, pain.

 

Natasha doesn’t lose what she has but loses what she could’ve had.

 

* * *

 

 

Peter never met his soulmate. It didn’t worry him, because he was still young and thought he still had time, but to think that one has enough time left is the most treacherous belief in the world, and he learns that the hard way. There’s so much he still wants to do, so many things he still wants to see, but it’s over, it all ends here on this abandoned, desolate planet.

 

The last thing he sees is the pain in Tony’s eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

Thor stands tall even as the agony on his back threatens to bring him to his knees, clutches his useless axe tighter as lighting rages inside of him. All he ever wanted was to keep Jane safe, but in the end, he supposes, that was too much to ask, too much to ask from a cruel, ruthless universe. He wonders if she suffered like him, when she faded, and wishes with all his being that she went peacefully, that she didn’t even know what was happening.

 

Of course, as he sees the horror on the faces of those crumbling around him, he knows that that is not the truth.

 

* * *

 

 

Wanda knows she will meet the same horrible fate as soon as she realizes what is happening around her. Her eyes are fixed on Vision’s still, grey body as the rest of her body disintegrates, and she knows she failed, she knows this is her fault, her fault because she couldn’t bring herself to bear the pain of destroying the stone and losing Vision sooner, and now she lost him anyway, lost everything there is.

 

The last words that leave her lips are an apology.

 

* * *

 

 

When Bucky said “til the end of the line”, Steve didn’t think it would be this, this all-consuming agony as he watches the man he loves turn to dust, as he feels the words on his skin burn too bright and too hot before they vanish. He should be strong, he should do something, anything, but all he can do is stare at the ground where Bucky stood only seconds ago.

 

Something inside of him breaks. Steve falls to his knees, collapses, and can’t bring himself to mind.

 

* * *

 

 

Tony remains, and remaining, he thinks, is worse that fading. He see the guardians vanish one by one, feels the son he never had crumple to dust in his arm with a strange, hollow feelings inside of his chest, hears Strange’s “this was the only way” hang heavy in the air, but if this was really the only way to win, Tony rather would have lost. Because nothing, absolutely nothing, compares to the feeling of Pepper’s words being ripped from his skin.

 

* * *

 

 

There are fourteen million universes in which they lose.

 

There is one in which they might win.

 

But winning, in this absolute agony, can only mean one thing: to end the pain.

 


End file.
